I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
