Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
