im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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