Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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