btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
