Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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