It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
