I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
