i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
