we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
