Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
