i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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