i think i have herpe
just one?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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