yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
