dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
