It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
