i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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