a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
