This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
only if we run a train.
done.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
