just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
