Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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