you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
