sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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