i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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