I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
