Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
