Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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