he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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