So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
