Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
