You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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