dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
