Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
