Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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