the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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