I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
