Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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