yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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