When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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