I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
