I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm having to shit out rocks
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