I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
