I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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