I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
