see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
