just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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