I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
