I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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