My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
