So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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