i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
