nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
