Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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