I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
