I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
