Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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