I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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