Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
