I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
