Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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