i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
