i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
