well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
