i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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