kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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