they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
