So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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