Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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