they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
