Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
