Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
