He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
