ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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