So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
