Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize