Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
