just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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