my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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