Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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