i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
