I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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