went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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